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One Side: One Friend's Perspective

Sometimes I'm recorded while having a meal. I’ll see myself on her social media – it’s like a sudden shock.

My best friend of a decade, she, labels herself the “creativity monarch”. It’s fun for a bit, but it strains our friendship.

She is an extrovert, there's a constant urge the need to record everything all the time. When we eat out, she says, “The camera eats first,” and takes photos with bright lighting, which makes me cringe. I don’t like it when strangers see her performing for the camera – I get secondhand embarrassment. It also frustrates me because meals lose their warmth.

She isn’t exactly an influencer yet, but Marielle is trying to be. She makes video blogs about living in our city, a day in her life, and her work as a stylist. Her content is good, credit where it's due, but I don’t want to be dragged into it. On occasion I'm captured while I’m eating, or just accompanying her. I’ll see myself on her Instagram later, and it comes like a surprise: I’ll have no makeup on, making a strange expression or be captured while eating. It’s uncomfortable.

She also expects me to record her at inconvenient times. Sometimes I’ll be talking to another person, or we're simply hanging out in the street. The dynamic feels like our friendship has transformed into me being her free crew. She could easily employ someone if she wanted professional shots. Upon mentioning my discomfort about this arrangement, she dismissed it. I've been invited to a couple of industry functions, which were appreciated, but that doesn't compensate for all the time and effort I spend assisting her create material.

I appreciate that Marielle has helped me with my design career, but I don’t want our friendship to become merely a tally of favours. I don't believe she's insincere or dishonest, but at times it seems that if the camera is out, we will begin acting in a way that makes us look good for her vlog.

Her directive is, “OK, look happy!” and film me smiling with someone. It feels forced. It's crucial her to understand that our 10-year friendship still has boundaries. I enjoy spending time with her, but I also desire to enjoy it without being recorded, edited, or shared for an audience. I’m not a prop for her Instagram.

The Defence: Marielle

I want my friend to see that the content we make together can get us an opportunity.

I love shooting content. It’s not just a hobby; it’s part of who I am. Creating videos and sharing my life online allows me to express myself and engage with people in novel forms.

I don’t see myself as a full influencer yet, but it's savvy to make money from your passions. I admire people on social platforms who pull off that style of casual, DIY film-making.

Content creation is my interpretation of living actively: noticing the nuances, posting them with an audience that appreciates the art behind it. It's never my aim to make Beth uncomfortable. Bringing her to industry events was my way of offering access, providing her a opportunity to witness exclusive moments that could benefit her career in design too. That’s not leverage, it's simply being pragmatic.

I would take her to these events even if she refused to assist me, but I want her to see what the work we create together can achieve: an opening. I understand not everyone enjoys being filmed, but often spontaneity is what makes material authentic. Appearing on video from time to time is an inherent aspect of being my friend. I would delete anything she requested, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don’t expect anybody to be my personal filmmaker, but friends support one another in small ways. My assumption was filming a short video now and then would be enjoyable for her. Creativity thrives in partnership, and having my friend around makes endeavors energetic and enjoyable. I never force her to take part in anything, and I’d never deliberately embarrass her. But creating content jointly sometimes is part of how I record our shared experiences.

I cherish our friendship deeply and don’t want making videos to drive a wedge between us. I am ready to find middle ground: like requesting permission before filming, and steering clear of angles that might make her self-conscious.

This is not about control, it’s about expressing my perspective while still considering hers. Clearly making content is not a substitute for genuine friendship: it's merely part of how I experience life and I want her to be included in a way that’s agreeable for each of us.

The Jury: Public Sentiment

Is it right for her to stop filming herself and Beth when they are socializing?

Nothing is more uncomfortable than having a companion point a camera at you. I get that it's her passion, but I don’t make friends come to my workplace. Maybe she can find like-minded creators to create content with. Given the uncertain future of AI, human connections are the only thing we have – cherish them!
A respondent, 25

If you’re doing something professionally, it's unfair to expect your friends for assistance every time, even if they have done it before. While she enjoys creating, that doesn’t mean all those around her is content. She must to respect her friend's privacy.
Ankit, 26

Marielle might love making content and displaying her life online, but it’s not for everyone. It’s nice she has assisted Beth’s career, but she must to listen to what Beth wants.
Emma, 27

It seems like you care about each other, so hold on to that and make sure it’s the focus in your friendship. Create some authentic experiences, where genuine feelings are stored, not online archives. Even celebrities who seem to share their worlds actually have more secrecy than it seems.
Sarah, 53

She seems to be neither present nor authentic when they're together – she's on the job. Each appears unsure as to where the line is. The solution lies not in trying to alter one another, but in each setting defined limits around what is comfortable to them and determining if there is an mutually agreeable compromise.
Barbara, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

In an online poll: is Marielle over-exposing their friendship?